You’re Seeking Clarity…But You Already Have the Answers You Need
It’s not what you say that counts; it’s what you do.
I’m a direct person, someone who seeks clarity from others. I run my businesses looking for clarity. I train companies on how to get clarity, inside their leadership teams and across their entire organizations.
That point of view is based on a specific assumption about how the world works: that if you can get to clarity, you’re better off for it. You have more honest communication, make better decisions, and build better alignment.
All of that is true. But sometimes, clarity doesn’t come in the form you expect it to.
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Our words are just one way in which we communicate. There are many others: our body language, our response times, our presence or absence at events, the amount of time we spend, the things we’re willing to disclose.
If you’re only seeking clarity based on what somebody says, you’re missing out on the many other signals they’re providing. Those signals often give you the answers you’re looking for long before their words will.
The prospect who ghosted you. They’re telling you something. The employee that walked away from the job. They’re sending a message.
The partner who’s always too busy for a catch-up. The board member who constantly misses meetings. Your vendor who frequently reschedules your service. They’re all giving you important information. To be blunt, they’re just not that into you.
…Even if they never actually say so.
The idea that someone’s words necessarily dictate their actions is a myth. It’s grasping for control, a belief that if you can get someone to speak the words you want them to say, they’ll do the things you want them to do.
Maybe they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Maybe the power dynamic makes it so they can’t push back. Maybe they’re just being nice.
Words and actions aren’t the same.
When the actions speak clearly, let them be enough.
You can ask that employee why they’re leaving. But recognize you may not get the full story.
You can reach out to that prospect for feedback on your proposal. They may never respond to you again.
At a certain point, it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is they said no. They didn’t like what your company had to offer enough to move forward.
Trying to figure out why often serves as an excuse to keep you stuck, ruminating on the response. Believing that if you just knew why it happened, you’d be able to change, solve, or fix it.
What if there isn’t anything to solve?
Your only responsibility is to be smart enough to see the signals the people around you are sending out. And then to make your own decisions about what to do next, instead of waiting on clarity from somebody else that may never come.
Actions matter more than words. So when a person’s actions give you an answer (even if it’s not the response you hoped for)…quit asking questions and move on.
